Title: Untitled
Author: twiggysrabies
Pairing: I'm not telling. If you can't guess, then it doesn't matter.
Warnings: Slash/Angst
Summary: Musings.
Disclaimer: I don't own any members of this story no matter how much I wish I did. This probably didn't happen, and if it did, I don't want any responsibility towards it. In fact, I'd rather it didn't happen at all. :D.
You keep staring at me, and I just can't figure out how to tell you that it isn't going to be like the old days this time. Sure, I missed being around you, but I can't let the old times come back and ruin the sobriety I've had for so many years. It's been six. You know, I look back now at all the interviews we did together, and I looked so fucking stupid. How could you let me act so...foolish? So mindless? I thought you respected me. I guess I was wrong about a lot of things, though. I always thought that if I left I would never be able to come back...that I would never be able to be the Twiggy Ramirez ever again. I'm not, you know. Sure, the fans are ecstatic, and, let's be completely honest...your ticket sales have skyrocketed since our "reunion". Evan hates it. I do too, to be honest. I wonder if you think that by fixing our friendship that you're fixing everything you've fucked up over they years. You can't take back that shitty music, you know. You can't erase those two albums that were comprised of whiny emo bullshit. The same whiny emo bullshit that you never wanted to write. Don't you remember writing Antichrist Superstar? We were FUCKED up on drugs. We couldn't remember to do the simplest things, but we remembered our friendship and our connection. What happened to that? I grew up, that's what. I can see through your fake, pompous facade to who you really are, and I don't like you. I hate you.
I don't really know who I think I'm kidding. I've never really hated you. I don't think I could, either, I just hate the face you show the world. Why can't you just be the man I know you can be. The intelligent, caring man I've seen more than once. Evan sees him all the time, why do you hide him from me? Are you that scared of who you used to be? If you are, why did you ask me to come back? Why do you tell the world that you weren't the same without me? I can see it, you know...you long to be a part of who I am now, but you can't bring yourself to apologize. Your pride won't let you. I'm so tired of trying to hide who I am, and how I react to everything. I'm tired of being holed up in this studio with the soulless monster that's taken over my best friend...the one that I used to share a bed with. I moved on, you know...and then you came back and you ruined all of it. Every good thing that I had after I left you, all came crumbling down the moment you asked me to come tour with you again, you know. I told the man that healed my heart, finally, that I couldn't be with him anymore, that I had found someone new. Do you know who the new person was? The same person that ruined me in the first place. The same person that will ruin me again. The same person that already has.