Jeordie didn't even look up when Alessandro came into the room, stumbling and muttering in Italian. He was busy putting music to childhood videos, he didn't have time to acknowledge his unrequited feelings.

"Jeordie..." Alessandro said, in his calm, softly accented voice.

"Yeah, dude, what do you want?" Jeordie said in a short, clipped tone.

Alessandro sat heavily on the edge of Jeordie's bed and fell into Jeordie's lap. His head blocked the view Jeordie had of his laptop, "Gee or Deeee...I..." he interrupted himself with giggles, "I want...to...fuck you like an animal," Alessandro finished, breaking into wild laughter.

Jeordie knew Alessandro was drunk, the stench of alcohol thickly laced into his breath. This is what drove Jeordie crazy. He'd wanted Alessandro for so long, and these little tempting times were cropping up just too often.

"Get off," Jeordie grumbled through his teeth.

"No! I'm comfy here. I want you, Gee or Dee."

Jeordie rolled his eyes, "Fuck man, you don't want anything to do with me when you're not drunk. Just get the fuck off me until you're goddamn sober enough to know what the fuck you really want."

Alessandro sat up, looking wounded, and instantly sobered, "I'm not so drunk that I don't know what I want, Jeordie." Alessandro whispered, walking out the door.

Jeordie swore, letting his head drop back, hitting the headboard. He closed his computer and swung his legs off the bed, feeling bad. He didn't know what to think with Alessandro anymore. When it was just the two of them, Alessandro was sweet and paid attention, but when they were all together...Jeordie was ignored, in favor of Aaron, or most times, ignored for nothing at all. Jeordie walked to the door, and peered out. Alessandro hadn't gotten very far at all, "Hey! Allie, wait..."

Alessandro paused and looked back over his shoulder, "Listen, you made your point clear, I'm just going to stay with Aaron or something."

Jeordie sighed, "Come on man, you know I'm just a prick sometimes...just come back. I have to talk to you."

Alessandro glared at Jeordie and came to stand in front of him, "Listen..." and with that word, he pushed Jeordie against the wall, pinning his shoulders, "I don't give half a fuck if you think I'm just drunk. I know that I haven't had nearly enough to make me brave enough to say what I really want to, but I'm going to try anyway."

Jeordie opened his mouth, ready to respond, but Alessandro quickly put his mouth over Jeordie's, pushing his tongue gently into Jeordie's mouth.

"Mmmnhh.." Jeordie whimpered, closing his eyes and giving in to the kiss.

Alessandro pulled back, whispering, "Now listen to me and don't interrupt. When you and Jerome were helping with auditions, do you remember what you said to me?"

Jeordie thought for a minute, nothing coming to his mind, then suddenly, he remembered, "Yeah...I...I asked if pressing your power switch tattoo was the way to turn you on..."

Alessandro grinned, "Right. Ever since that moment, something in the way you said something so silly and made it sound appealing...I've wanted to...to touch you, and see what turns you on." Alessandro looked down, a faint blush on his cheeks.

Jeordie stood there, with Alessandro's hands on his shoulders, and was, for one of the first times in his life, speechless.

Alessandro looked back up, "So, there you have it. I think I'll go now," and he took his hands off Jeordie's shoulders as he turned away.

"N-no! W-wait," Jeordie stammered, catching Alessandro's right wrist. He brought it up to his mouth, kissing at Alessandro's fingers, his palm, at the small apple tattoo on the inside of his wrist, "Please...I...Alessandro. If...if you felt this way all along...why did you ignore me?"

"I didn't know how to tell you. I was...I was scared that you were involved with someone else."

"Allie, man...I've been alone for so long.."

"I'd like to change that," Alessandro whispered, watching Jeordie's lips, noticing the subtle way he licked at them while he was thinking, "Jeordie..."

Jeordie looked up, the slight accent to his name making him shiver, "Y-yeah?"

"Can we go inside now?" Alessandro looked up at him, his eyes taking on a feral gleam.

Jeordie nodded, pulling Alessandro back into the hotel room, leading him to the unused bed. He sat down looking up at Alessandro, who was already fiddling with the buttons on Jeordie's shirt. Jeordie was ready to finally experience what he'd dreamt of so many times, but he was a little surprised Alessandro was so bold.

Alessandro kneeled over Jeordie, having removed most of their clothing, nibbling at Jeordie's skin, his fingers teasing at the waistband of Jeordie's boxers, "Mmm...may I?"

Jeordie whined, every moment of confinement viewed as torture, "Yes..."

Alessandro slid the thin material down Jeordie's hips, his mouth following the slow descent of the boxers. Jeordie writhed, every small sensation being burned into his memory. Alessandro finally pulled the boxers off completely and smiled, "Mmm."

Jeordie trembled, feeling embarrassed and over-scrutinized. He gasped softly when he felt Alessandro's soft fingertips running along the length of his excitement.

"O-oh..." Jeordie shivered, overwhelmed. He hadn't felt so clear minded during sex in God knew how long. He had to have at least a few drinks in him before he could think about taking a random, faceless girl to bed. And, here was Alessandro, not just a random fuck, but someone he would actually have to face the next day. He didn't know what would happen then, but he'd deal with the consequences later. Right now all he could feel was hot, moist breath slithering over his most sensitive place, "Ah...A-Alessandro...I...I wanna s-see you, dude..."

Alessandro pulled back, smiling and slowly pushed his own underwear off.

Jeordie gasped softly. He'd rarely seen anyone who could have given him a run for his money in certain departments, but he was fairly certain Alessandro was a prizewinner.

Alessandro grinned, proud of himself as he slowly manipulated Jeordie's length, "You must really like what I have to offer, huh?" Alessandro murmured, noticing a significant change in Jeordie's manhood.

Jeordie swallowed, licking his lips, "Y-yeah," he tried sitting up, reaching out to touch Alessandro's chest.

Alessandro pushed Jeordie back down, grinning sexily, "Oh, no dear...this is in my command."

"O-okay..." Jeordie watched Alessandro with wide eyes. He'd known Italians had a reputation of dominance, but somehow he'd never pictured Alessandro taking charge...but he wasn't about to argue. He lay back down, watching Alessandro rummage through his luggage, pulling out a tube of lubrication. So, he'd planned on having sex at some point this week. Jeordie gasped as he felt Alessandro's slick fingertips at his entrance. He'd forgotten how amazing it felt to be completely dominated by your senses.

Alessandro slowly pushed his finger into Jeordie, expecting a little more resistance than what he got. He teased Jeordie, slowly adding another finger, and after a moment, adding a third. He crooked his middle finger slightly, prodding Jeordie's prostate. He grinned as he felt Jeordie's body go rigid, "Mmm, are you ready?" Alessandro whispered hotly.

"O-oh, fuck yes...please..." Jeordie whined.

Alessandro removed his fingers and slowly stroked himself, making himself slick for Jeordie, his hair hanging in his eyes, his tongue running slowly, wetly, over his lips. Jeordie nearly came right then, watching Alessandro's almost unexpected beauty culminate into something close to perfection.

Alessandro pushed at Jeordie's thighs, guiding himself to Jeordie's entrance. He moaned softly as he slowly slid himself into Jeordie's tight body.

Jeordie moaned, his toes curling and his muscles straining with pleasure as his body was so gently invaded, "Fuck...Alessandro..."

Goaded on by Jeordie's soft words, Alessandro slowly pulled back, trembling, and propped Jeordie's hips up. He pushed forward, grunting softly, and began creating a slow, hard rhythm for himself. He groaned as he felt Jeordie tighten around his length.

Jeordie moaned, rocking his hips up as Alessandro slowly thrust inside him. He felt his body trembling, readying itself for a spectacular ending to one of the most stimulating experiences of his life, "O-oh! F-fuck..." Jeordie whined, arching his back, and coming fiercely, his wetness splashing Alessandro's chest and stomach.

Alessandro groaned, thrusting harder and faster, panting. With one last, brutal thrust, his hips crashed into Jeordie's wet thighs, and he came explosively. His body shuddered violently, completely overcome with ecstasy.

Jeordie moaned, bucking his hips as Alessandro spasmed deep within him.

Completely spent, Alessandro collapsed onto Jeordie, panting, "Fucking hell...I have never come like that before."

Jeordie squirmed, trembling, "M-me neither..."

Alessandro slowly, gingerly pulled out of Jeordie, lying next to him, kissing him softly, lovingly.

Jeordie closed his eyes, content for the first time in a long time.

Alessandro smiled, "See, I told you I wasn't too drunk."

Jeordie looked at Alessandro, grinning, "Well, I hope you look forward to future experiences like this."

"Fuck yes I do." Alessandro murmured as he shut his eyes.

"OH MAH GAWD, BRAH! They really fuckin' did it!" Aaron hissed, glancing over his shoulder at a bemused Jerome.

"Looks like you liked what you saw...did you watch them the whole time?"

"Psht, fuck yeah, brah. It was fuckin' hot as hell..." Aaron grinned mischievously, "Wanna help me out, man?"

Jerome grinned right back, "You know I always do, man."

Title: Of Cures and Afflictions...

By: Twiggysrabies
Summary: Sort of a semi-sequel to "Drunk Enough?"
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Slash.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the members of Nine Inch Nails, no matter how badly I wish I did....This is purely out of my own mind, and does not reflect any living beings...that I know of. Of course, if it DOES end up happening, I would like to be held fully responsible. ^^;...except...maybe not for this one.

I don't want to believe that you could let it all go. I look at you and see only stress and sadness. I want to erase all that. I want to be the cure...sometimes I wish I were the affliction, at least then you would think about me. I've been close to you, and I know your touch...but I want to know more. I want to know your heart. I can't let you go as easily as you can forget me. It wasn't just a release of pent-up hormones for me. When I whispered 'I love you', I meant it. I tried to pretend I didn't, only because you looked so scared. You only come to me so you can come on me. I'm sick of being used, yet...if it's the only part of you I can have, then maybe I can learn to like feeling empty and cheap. You tell her you love her, but the look on your face tells me something else. I want you to be happy, and I want you to know love. Real love. That other man, he broke you before you had a chance to know what love means.

"Alessandro?" you whisper.

I can't help but hope, "Yes?"

"Thanks man," you mumble before you pull on your jeans and leave me alone once more.

I put my face into the pillow to hide my shame, and to imagine that you're still lying beside me. I don't want to need you this badly, but something inside me pulls my every thought back to you. I close my eyes to ease the stinging of the tears, and wait for morning.

I wake alone like I knew I would, but tonight...I'm going to tell you everything. I'm going to tell you what I've been feeling and everything I want to feel, because tonight is the last night I can pretend that I have to be near you. Tonight is the last night of the tour. Trent had prepared us all, told us he wanted something new. I just want to be with you. I want to be more to you than the toy I am now.

We play the show, probably one of the best...and we head to the hotel. You slip me a piece of paper that lets me know you need me tonight. I go to my own room to clean up, and I look in the mirror. All I see is desperation. I try to tell myself I'm prepared to hear that you're only using me, but I know I'm not.

You answer the door and walk away, leaving me to invite myself inside. I watch you flop onto the bed, flipping through various channels, finally landing on a news station. You look up at me, "There's nothing on."

I fake a laugh, "It's Hawaii, they're probably not expecting very many people to watch T.V."

You sit up, winding your arm around my waist, pulling me closer, murmuring into my stomach, "Yeah...I guess you're right. I didn't want to watch much T.V. either." You pull away, looking up at me. I know what that look means.

I bend to kiss you, softly. You close your eyes, kissing back, putting a hand on the back of my neck, tracing the tattoo I have there. It makes me happy that you remember what it looks like without seeing it. I run my hands down your chest, over your stomach, resting on your lap. I caress it softly, feeling your warm excitement straining against the denim.

I want to be inside you...I want to taste you. I pull down the zipper of your pants, listening to your breathing get heavier. I pull your shirt off and tease your nipple with my mouth. I can sense your hand gripping the sheets on the bed. I kneel over you, running my hands over your body, kissing you softly. I'm the dominant one, but only in bed.

Your trembling lets me know you're ready. I hear your soft pleas, "Alessandro...I...I want...t-to feel you..."

I'm tempted to torture you until you agree to love me..but I can't do that. I press myself to your entrance, pushing against the resistance. Suddenly, I'm sheathed in your warmth. I love being inside you, becoming part of you. I pant softly, resting my head in the crook of your neck, moving my hips slowly at first. I can feel your cock rubbing against my abdomen. I want to feel your hot come on me...I want to feel you tighten around me as your moan softly. I move faster, watching your expression, panting loudly.

You look up at me, and it's only when you've finished orgasming and you whisper my name, that I can see you're crying. I'm scared that I've hurt you, caught up in my own pleasure, ignoring yours. Your whispers are lost on my ears, I can't hear you no matter how hard I try, "I...I can't h-hear you..."

You speak up, swallowing hard, "Alessandro...I...I'm sorry. I..." you falter, making my agony unbearable.

"W-what is it?" I manage, scared of your answer.

"I...I l-love you....b-but...I..I don't know if I can do this right now...I...I need time to think. I don't know w-what to do...about...so many things, Alessandro."

My breath catches in my throat, and I try not to cry, "I...I understand..."

You put your hand on my cheek, and speak softly, knowing I'm hurt, "Will you stay tonight?"

I nod, lying next to you, trembling. You watch me, and lie behind me, curling close. I wait until you're sleeping to face you. It hurts more because this is the first time you've asked me to stay all night. I'm scared this is the last time I'll be this close to you. I kiss your lips softly, and whisper against them, "I love you, Jeordie."

Title: Realizations and Repentance

By: Twiggysrabies
Summary: ...threequel? of "Drunk Enough" and "Of Cures And Afflictions".
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Slash.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the members of Nine Inch Nails, no matter how badly I wish I did....This is purely out of my own mind, and does not reflect any living beings...that I know of. Of course, if it DOES end up happening, I would like to be held fully responsible. ^^;

I stare at the ceiling, waiting for you to say something, anything. We've been doing this since the last tour, and I just can't help feeling more than just friendship with you. Finally, I just can't take the silence anymore, "Alessandro?" I whisper, hoping you'll ask me to stay.

Instead, you say "Yes?" in that customer-service-friendly voice.

It's too much for me, "Thanks man," I mumble sarcastically as I pull on my jeans and leave the room. I could go back to my own room, but it's just so empty. I walk aimlessly, wondering why you won't tell me to stay. I wonder if that's even what I want. I have a girlfriend for fuck's sake. I have so much to look forward to, and yet all I keep doing is looking back, trying to see if you're following me or if I'm just alone...like I've always been.

I start back for my room, but then I hear Trent talking to someone. I knock gently on the door. Trent answers, waving me inside, yelling through his cell phone, "Aaron! You're just a block away, get your fucking ass back here!! I am NOT going to fight with you in the morning trying to get out of here on time!"

I watch Trent as he argues with Aaron, and when he finally gives up, he looks exhausted. I shouldn't have bothered.

"What's up man? Is something bothering you?" Trent asks. I can tell he's concerned, "You've been acting strange for the past couple of days..."

I look up at him, a whirlwind of thoughts exploding all at once into a babble of noise. I'm not sure what I'm saying or if Trent can even understand me. I finish speaking and find my eyes overflowing with tears.

Trent looks alarmed, and I feel his touch on my shoulder, "Man, I know you've been under stress, but I didn't realise it was about all this."

I look up and my mouth has the words out before my brain registers it, "I love him, Trent. I love him more than I love myself and it scared the fuck out of me. I...I have Casey to think about. I mean, I've just been fucking stringing her along, haven't I? I...I just don't know what to do...it's driving me crazy."

I watch Trent pace the room, and finally he turns to me, "If you love him, what's the problem? You obviously don't care for Casey, so end it. I shouldn't tell you this but..." Trent is biting his lip, and he shakes his head, "No, man...I can't tell you."

I look up at him and take a deep breath, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you."

Trent puts his hand back on my shoulder. I brush it off and stand, "Don't tell Alessandro."

He looks at me strangely, but nods, "I won't, but...I really think you should."

I look back once as I leave the room, and head for my own. We're going to Hawaii tomorrow, and it's our last show together. Even though everybody knows about you and I, I still feel like I have to be secretive about meeting. I write out a note and put it into the pocket of tomorrow's pants. I crawl into bed, hugging the spare pillow close until unconsciousness takes over.

I wake alone, wanting nothing more than to have you near me, to have you by my side.

When the show is over, I slip my note to you and head to my room. I turn on the TV and lay down, worried. I want to feel you so badly, but I need to tell you everything.

Suddenly, you're knocking at my door. I get up and let you in, heading back to the bed and flopping down. I can't tell you right now, so I mumble nonsense, "There's nothing on."

You laugh softly, your beautiful laugh making my skin tingle, "It's Hawaii, they're probably not expecting very many people to watch T.V."

I watch you and sit up. I wind my arm around your waist, pulling you closer. I think about telling you now, while I have you so close. I murmur softly against your abdomen, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I didn't want to watch much T.V. either," I pull away from you, looking up...trying to find the right words to explain everything. You cut me off by kissing me softly. You catch me off guard and intoxicate me with the sweetness of your kiss...your kisses are always so tender. I reach up and trace the small tattoo on the back of your neck; I've memorized it. You run your hands down my chest and stomach, resting them in my lap. My body reacts, and you encourage it. You undress me slowly, teasing me. It's almost too much, and I grip the bed-sheets tightly.

You push at my shoulder, and I lay back, as you possess my body with your hands, kissing me so gently. I tremble, afraid this will be the last time I feel your touch, but I need you so badly.

"Alessandro...I...I want...to feel you..."

You lean over me, breathing heavily, pressing yourself to my entrance, pushing hard. It still hurts a little, but I relish the pain. I spread my legs more for you, feeling your length invading me. I moan softly as I feel my cock rubbing against your abdomen. You watch me, your eyes almost burning into mine, and I realise then that this is my last chance to tell you how I feel. It scares me how much love I feel for you, and I struggle to blink back tears as my body finally reacts to yours. I orgasm, panting softly, trying to hide my tears, and I hear myself whispering your name. I keep whispering, pouring my heart out, and I know you can't hear me. You tell me you can't, your voice almost as scared as mine. I swallow hard, raising my voice a little, "A-Alessandro...I...I'm sorry...I..." my voice catches in my throat.

You tremble, "What is it?"

I'm sure there is nothing I can say that will make you want me as badly as I need you, "I..I l-love you.."

I should have stopped there, but my idiot mind keeps my mouth moving, "B-but...I..I d-don't know if I can do this right now..."

My mind keeps going, fueling my mouth, even though my heart is screaming for me to stop. My heart knows it isn't true, but I keep going, "I...I need time to thinks. I d-don't know what to d-do..about so many things, Alessandro."

I watch as your breath hitches and I see the tears welling up, but you're braver than I am, and they don't fall. Instead, you speak calmly, "I...I understand."

I know you don't understand, and I know I hurt you. I want so badly to tell you how much I need you. I put my hand on your cheek, and instead of telling you I love you with everything I have, I ask you to stay the night. You nod and lay next to me. I lay down behind you and pull you close. It feels so right...it feels like perfection, and I haven't felt this in so long.

You wait until you think I'm asleep before you face me. You kiss me softly and you whisper, "I love you, Jeordie."

I'm so afraid I'll scare you, but I murmur back, "I love you too, Alessandro." I open my eyes and pull you closer, trembling madly, "I...I love you so much it hurts. I...I don't know why I said all that other shit before...I...I want you to stay with me."

You look at me and you're crying, "Jeordie..."

I wait for more, but there is none, "Please...I..I need you, Alessandro."

You bite your lip at first, then whisper, "Not until you've broken up with her."

I close my eyes. I've been so afraid of that. I can't let the world know yet. I'm ashamed of myself for being scared to admit my love for another man, "Allie...I..."

You shake your head and push me away gently, "I can't be used by you anymore, Jeordie. I..." you swallow hard, and look away, "I need to be loved, not used. I...I'm not good enough for you...is that it? Or are you just cowardly? You can't admit you're gay? W-what is it?" You break down crying, and curse at me in Italian, shaking your head and getting out of bed.

"Alessandro, please wait. It..." I can't lie and tell you that I'm not a coward, because I know I am. What happened to me? I don't know who I am, or why I fucked up the best chance of my life. I watch as you leave the room, your shoulders shaking.

I feel like a walking doll for the next few days. I haven't spoken to you, and now I'm at home. I'm with her every day. I tell her I love her, and I do all the things for her that I should be doing for you. I even take her to some red-carpet thing, showing her off, and undoubtedly hurting you. I feel so empty though. I feel like the cast-off shell of someone that used to be happy.

I can't take it anymore, finally, and I've broken up with Casey. I call you and your voicemail answers. I'm excited by the sound of your voice, even if it is just a machine. My voice shakes as I leave you a message, "Alessandro...I...I need you...P-Please...call me back?"

What if I've pushed you too far away? Waiting is pure torture...it's only been six hours and I couldn't be more frantic. What if you've found someone that deserves you? What if you decided that I wasn't worth all the pain I put you through? I know I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your intelligence, your understanding, your beauty. I just don't deserve you at all.

I call again, terrified you've moved on. You don't answer this time either. I leave you another message, and this time I feel my eyes burning with tears. I'm so weak and so needy. I can't stand not having someone by my side. I go to bed, still waiting for your call.

When I wake in the morning there is still no response from you. I wonder if this is how you felt when we were together, not ever really knowing if I'd keep you or not..not knowing if I would ever return your love. I miss you more than anyone I've ever had in my life.

The phone rings and my heart jumps into my throat as I race to answer, "H-hello?"

"Jeordie?"

My heart sinks, it isn't you, "Yeah?"

"Listen, brah, uh...I got Alessandro with me...brah, he asked me if I could tell you n-not to call him again...said he'll c-call you when he can."

"A-Aaron please...t-tell me you're joking...t-tell me y-you're k-kidding, p-please?" my voice cracks, hot tears welling up in my eyes.

Aaron lowers his voice, and I could tell he was being serious, "Naw, brah, I'm not kiddin' but...you know Allie, he's a sensitive dude and when you took all those pictures with that chick...well, shit went off. He's not ready to forgive you yet...but he still loves you, brah. Just don't do anythin' fucked up, and just give him some time, man. He'll come back."

I was trembling, trying not to cry, "Aaron...is he staying with you?"

"For a bit, bro. Me, him and Travis are fuckin' crammed into this tiny place, but it's okay. Brah...he...he cries himself to sleep, you know. He doesn't think I know, but this place is so fuckin' cheap." Aaron pauses, taking a deep breath, "He's not gonna give you up, Jeordie."

"T-thanks, man." I hang up, not waiting for a response, my mind floating somewhere between hurt and angry. I don't understand how you can feel justified in leaving me hanging..not sure if you'll ever...and suddenly I understand. This is what it was like for you, only so much worse because there was someone else in my life. God, how could I have fucked up so badly?

It's been two weeks and I'm nearly running up the walls with anxiety. Chris keeps telling me to just move on, but he doesn't know about you, he thinks I'm still upset over Casey. I'm not. I feel bad knowing that I just used her, but I can't fix it now. I'm at practice, playing a song when it happens. My phone is ringing, and I know it's you. My happiness explodes when I answer, "Hello?"

"Jeordie..."

It's all you have to say, and I feel tears in my eyes, "I'm so sorry Alessandro...I j-just want it to be right with us. C-Can you forgive me?"

I hear you inhale, slowly, softly; you're smoking, "I love you."

My voice dies as I whimper, "I love you too."

I hear your soft exhale, then you speak, "Jeordie...I don't want to be your secret anymore. Unless you manage to acknowledge me, then I can't come back to you."

I close my eyes and lick my lips, "Alessandro, I'm going to do whatever it takes. I...I've been so lost without having you near me."

You make a gentle noise, a soothing noise, "It doesn't have to be that way anymore. I...I w-want you to tell Chris...n-now, while I'm on the phone. I need to know you'll be able to tell people, Jeordie."

I swallow hard, biting my lip, "N-now?"

Your silence is my answer, and I'm resolved to my task. Chris is in the back room, fiddling with something. I gather my courage and croak, "Chris? C-Can I have a minute bro?"

He looks up and I smile weakly, "I..I gotta tell you something."

He nods, "Go for it."

"I...you know how...I've been all weird lately?"

"Yeah, you've got me worried, actually...what's going on?"

I smile, realising this will be easier than I thought, "Yeah...it's settled, bro. Alessandro and I...we're back together, man."

Chris looks baffled for a minute, but then he grins, clapping me on the back, "Awesome, man." he pauses for a minute, then looks at me, "I'm proud of you, dude. Takes a lot of fuckin' courage to spring something like that, bro."

I put the phone back to my ear and whisper, "When can I see you?"

You're silent for a moment, then you whisper, "Come outside."

I can't believe you're outside, but I dash for the door, bursting out into the cold of the evening. I can see my breath as I pant, looking around frantically for any trace of you. I don't see you, but suddenly I feel your hands on my hips, your arms slowly encircling my waist from behind. I feel your warmth pressing against my back, your chin on my shoulder. I feel the heat of your breath tickling my ear, "Jeordie...I need you."

I would have let you take me right there if you hadn't let me to your car. Waiting is torture as you drive to my house, so I babble incessantly, trying to take the tension out of the air.

Finally we're home and I pull you into the bedroom, kissing you frantically, running my fingers over the slight stubble acquired since the morning.

Your hands run up under my shirt, reminding me of the beauty you create with those hands, the music you have flowing throughout your being. I feel the prickling of tears in my eyes, reminded of how close I came to losing you, because of my own stupidity and cowardice.

You kiss my forehead and cheeks, wiping away my tears, soothing me, "Don't cry my love. We're together now, and I won't let go of you again..."

I close my eyes and kiss you softly, running my fingers through your hair. We both give in to the kiss, relaxing and taking comfort in the other's touch.

Slow, gentle, loving - that's what tonight is about. Your body moves over mine, the muscle in your arms taut, your body damp with sweat.

I close my eyes, feeling your length move inside me. I writhe under you, my arms held down at my wrists, pinned to the bed by your hands. You pant softly, kissing me as you move faster. I wrap my leg around your waist, groaning softly, whimpering.

The sensations overwhelm me and I come violently, hot bursts splashing between us. You pant hotly, nipping at my throat and collarbone as you spasm inside me. You lay heavily on top of me and I'm grateful for the weight of you. I comb your hair back from your face, kissing you softly.

I realise this is my happiness. Knowing that you're here, that you're willing to spend your time with me.

I smile and close my eyes as you whisper, "I really do love you Jeordie."

I don't whisper, for the first time, proud to say it loudly, happy to finally have someone to be with...someone that taught me how to give myself over to my feelings...someone that won't bring back all the hurt I've been through; someone that helped me work out what love really is, "I love you too, Alessandro."